I remember exactly when “Making the Band” first came out, before Diddy was involved and before it got picked up by MTV. In fact, I vividly remember anxiously awaiting the premiere. The show first aired on ABC in 2000 and though I had recently moved past my Backstreet Boys infatuation and on to greener pastures, I was still a teenage girl and Ashley Angel Parker was damn dreamy. That being said, even at 13, even at the infancy of reality television, I remember having a clear perception of the reality of this weird test-tube baby mutation of The Monkees: they were cute boys who were nice to look at and had dumb boy fights and they were NOT talented, and when their first single, “Wet Dreams,”…sorry, “Liquid Dreams” came out, I, again, even as a boy-crazy pre-teen, was not surprised it bombed terribly. They may have earned money for ABC, but musically, they were destined to fail from the start.
MTB did get pretty good ratings and for its next season, was picked up by MTV which left the show pretty much unaltered for 2 years at which point the network decided to shake things up by dropping Diddy into the mix and adding “Da Band” as a subtitle. The premise remained the same: take beautiful, fame-hungry young people with mediocre musical talent, market that shit liike you’re auditioning to beDon Draper’s bitch and then be beat the kids’ egos down til you get no fight whatsoever when you only pay them shit portion of the shitload you make from the musically mediocre but otherwise consumer belovéd band. Still, I never felt there was any pretense of being anything but a superficial, poppy, network-$$maker.
When your record label signed The Plastiscines in 2009, they had been naturally conceived and born, already with a 2 year-old LP in their loving care which means that no, you don’t share the whole “‘talent’ search” aspect with MTB that is so easily deemed hateful by the music community. But really, it is the very fact that The Plastiscines pre-existed your signing them is that makes what you did so much more musically vile than any crime perpetrated by MTB. Your crime is so unforgivable in my eyes I deem it akin to a samurai committing treason. Lucky for you Nylon, this aren’t bound to bushido and therefore will not be sentenced with harakiri.
I’m no die-hard Plastiscines fan, shit, they’re nowhere remotely close to the top of my list of favorite artists, but I am a girl and a music lover, and a lover of girls and girl music and when I saw you take the French, Blondie-Shonen Knife love-child composed of beautiful girls that was the Plastiscines and turn them into a tool to further your too-school-for-cool image, I puked in my mouth a bit.
I never had a huge issue with you, Nylon, I always thought you were kinda phony but had a soft-spot for your minimalist-pop aesthetic. You ruined that and the soft spot is gone, covered with a thick, rough, hatred-callous because you had to take what was naturally raw and wonderful and refine it and manipulate it to the point that the band has become an unfortunately ironic mirror of their name. And unlike MTB, you, a wolf in sheep’s clothing, parade around pretending to be indie-friendly and praying on all the sweet innocent hipsters, when in reality you are no better than Cosmo.
Oh yeah, I just subscribed for two years of Under The Radar, so fuck you.